Wake Up with Susan

Simple Changes for More Joy this Holiday Season

• Susan Sutherland

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What if the secret to a stress-free holiday season lay in simply reshaping our mindset? Join me, Susan Sutherland, as I share my journey of rediscovering the joy and magic of the festive season. We'll tackle the often mixed emotions that the holidays can bring—whether it's excitement, stress, or a touch of anxiety—and explore how these initial reactions can facilitate the creation of our overall experience. Together, we'll uncover strategies for managing holiday challenges and shifting into a season with positivity and intention.

We'll also rethink our holiday traditions and decor, focusing on what truly brings joy and ease into our lives. Let’s break free from the pressure of outdated traditions and explore ways to simplify our celebrations Plus, I’ll share tips on setting personal boundaries, maintaining routines amidst family visits, and “bubbling up” your energy to stay grounded and grateful. Join me in embracing a season of generosity, intentionality, and above all, a magical and restful December.

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Speaker 1:

Rise and shine everybody. It's time to wake up with Susan. Spiritual awakening can be a beautiful, messy and sometimes lonely journey, so let's do it together. I'm your host, susan Sutherland. I'm an intuitive healer and spiritual mentor. We are all called to rise up above our conditioning and limiting beliefs and shine our light on ourselves and others. So let's get to it. Hello family, thanks for tuning in.

Speaker 1:

It is December and I have finally found that festive feeling. Typically, I am in the Christmas spirit as soon as Halloween has passed. However, this year I just haven't felt Christmassy, I haven't felt just festive and ready for Christmas. Not that I felt bad, it just didn't. I didn't have that you know seasonal bounce, that pep in my step that I usually do this time of year, just feeling like I needed, you know, to have the house looking like a glitter bomb exploded, all of that which I genuinely love and usually start very early. But this year it just didn't click in, which is totally fine early. But this year it just didn't click in, which is totally fine. But now it's December and over the past weekend I found that festive feeling, which is really good, and because I think my family got a little panicked that it wasn't going to happen. They all pitched in and so we got the house decorated and had a really good time doing it because we did it together. But also it was a good excuse to be in pajamas until late into the morning, because we're busy decorating the trees and getting everything festive and ready for the holidays, because I do like to allow December to be restful and easy, and so I'm not trying to drag out decorations until December 15th, like it should be done by the time December rolls around. So there's a few things left that I have to do, and I will do them because, like, the garland on the stairwell is my son's favorite holiday decoration. It's kind of a pain in the ass to do, it seems. I always wind it up and something's not quite right and I have to redo it. But he has offered to help me. It is so important to him, this garland on the stairwell that he's like I will help you with the garland on the stairwell. Anyway, enough about that.

Speaker 1:

I do want to discuss today what we talked about in the workshop, but in a consolidated format, so that we can all just really think about our mindset going into the holiday season and think about what we can do in advance to make sure it is joyful. And to make sure it is joyful and peaceful and conflict-free. We have to set the intention and deliver on that with kind of cultivating what our holidays should be like. And so I like to start with everything. How do you think it is?

Speaker 1:

When you think about the holidays now, what are the emotions that come to mind, what is kind of your baseline understanding? Because when you understand what is your natural reaction, that is having awareness, and once you have awareness, you can start making choices. When we are unconsciously moving through life and don't realize that, when you bring up work, my body tenses and my chest tightens and I think about being stressed or, you know, bullied at work or underappreciated, if you don't know what your initial reactions are, you don't know what you are trying to shift away from. And so it's really important, as I say, the holidays are here, the holidays are here, what is your initial reaction, so that you can understand how to shift away from that. So when you're thinking about the holidays, perhaps it is all joy, it is excitement, your kids are coming home from college or you get to see your extended family, but there might also be some other things that are among your initial thoughts, like conflict, anxiety, overspending, loneliness, grief, exhaustion, feeling unsupported, like you have to do everything. These are all really common things that are experienced during the holidays, and part of the problem is we go into the holidays expecting the holidays to be like that, and so what I always want people to think about is when those are your initial reactions, what you can tag on the end of it is and so it is, because this is how we manifest when we have an expectation, when we have an expectation of how something will be, how we will feel.

Speaker 1:

Unless you are doing something to course correct, just assume that you are powerful and you can allow that to be created for you. The universe just gives you your thoughts and your beliefs and your expectations of what is going to be, and so if you expect things to be really stressful so much conflict, so much anxiety about what you have to do, or feeling overwhelmed and exhausted that is the environment you're going to create. You're going to create the opportunities for all of that to happen. If you feel and announce all the time that you will never get it all done, that your husband never helps you with anything, and so it is. That is what you are cultivating. Just know yourself to be powerful in that. If you believe it to be so, it can be so, and don't say, well, I believe it's so because it always has been. Well, own that shit right. Own it and say that is what I have always created, that's what I've always created. But this year I'm going to do it differently. And so then think about what would you like to experience, and so you're.

Speaker 1:

You still may have some of the same culprits, some of the you know. A lot of people experience SAD, which is seasonal. What is it Seasonal something? Depression. You know what? It is freaking dark at 530 and it brings your mood down. That's just what it is. But if you know those are some of your culprits, then when you bring awareness to that, you are going to make sure you get outside and get some daylight. You might even get one of those cool little desk lamps that provides the UV rays so that your body is responding to that light.

Speaker 1:

If you know that you're regularly stressed about finding what to wear to holiday parties you don't even want to go to, perhaps you say, oh, I'm so sorry, I can't come this year, and that's OK, you don't have to come up with some elaborate excuse about why you can't attend, because you not wanting to is actually a good excuse. Now you don't have to say I'm not coming because I don't want to. You can just say thank you so much for the invitation. I'm so sorry I won't be able to make it. That's it. So when we've identified what are our typical emotions that we experience that are not in alignment with what we would like to experience, we can start making adjustments to our behaviors like to experience. We can start making adjustments to our behaviors, to our commitments, to our expectations.

Speaker 1:

So what do you want the season to feel like when you are changing the script, saying, actually I'm going to feel supported this year, I am not going to have too much to do because I am going to choose my to-do list? What would you like the season to be If you're going to have too much to do because I am going to choose my to-do list? What would you like the season to be If you're going to say at the end of it and so it is, then plug in those values? Do you want it to be full of ease? Do you want it to be really fun, simple, restful, festive. Do you want it to be focused on generosity and giving togetherness, laughter. Do you want it to be really social or really peaceful? It's all in what you want to create and everybody's answers to that will be different.

Speaker 1:

So my focus this year, that I am bringing all of my commitments back to everything is coming back to. Does it provide ease or does it feel like ease, togetherness and laughter. Those are the things I am focused on this season and while a lot of times that means saying no to commitments that don't align with those values, and it might mean if somebody that I'm friends with and I really love, but I find them to be less than easy, like you, leave the conversation and it's a little heavy, I don't have to lose that friend. I can just say you know what? My calendar is really full in December. Could we meet up in January? That would be really good for me.

Speaker 1:

You can kind of punt the ball for the things that feel stressful. If it feels stressful to have two Christmases with two sets of family, why don't you negotiate doing one, a separate weekend? The date is a date. The Christmas and the feeling of togetherness can be, you know, on a different date. People do that all the time and so if it allows you to be in a better place, to be happier when you're doing it, then why not? I mean assuming you can get everybody else on board, but when you can do it with a happier heart, that is the way to do it. So thinking about my ease and togetherness and laughter sometimes has me saying no to things, and last night it had me saying yes to something. Last night was actually Sunday I'm recording this on Monday but I went to Wicked. Now.

Speaker 1:

I am not a huge movie person. I don't really love to sit down and watch a movie. I don't really love to go to a theater, especially if the movie is two hours and 40 minutes. However, my littles wanted to go. I have seen the musical and I liked it, and whatever I was planning to do on my to-do list could wait because this really aligned with being with my family, with, I mean, how easy is a freaking movie night? That is ease. We were together. There wasn't a ton of laughter because that wasn't the vibe of the movie, but it aligned with what I wanted to do. So that made for a yes that maybe another time I would feel too busy to go do that on a Sunday night. There's too much to do. To get ready for the week, I need to prep this or whatever. Nope, it's actually really aligned with what I want to feel, want to feel this December and so I said yes to it and it was really good, although after two hours and 40 minutes it said to be continued, and I'm I don't know. I just feel like in three hours you could have wrapped it up, but that's me.

Speaker 1:

So, when you have your values, write them down, define why this is important to you, because a lot of times writing something down gets the energy. I write an intention statement for my holiday season this is what I want to feel. And then I even went a little further and was like and then I even went a little further and was like dear Santa, this is what I'm going for this year Rest and ease. So much of my year feels rushed around between kids' activities and trying to get things done and the holiday season for me. I want to wrap up the year feeling just filled up, peaceful, not in a hurry. It charges me up for that January push because we all get that like yes, let's go crush the new year feeling in January, which means I don't really want to crush December. I want to chill. That's why I like my decorations done by December 1st, because if I want to relax in front of the fire and watch a movie or read a book, then that's what I want to do and not feel like I have to get through. You know my goal crushing December. That's not what December is for me.

Speaker 1:

Togetherness, as with many families, activities during the year pulled us in so many different directions. Right now, you know, we've got one kid doing this and one kid doing this, and where we used to have dinner together every single night, it feels like only a couple nights a week do we get to do that. And so my priority for this month, as I have said, no to activities not just for me but for my kids as well, with the focus on being together. My in-laws are coming December 12th and we haven't seen them in two years, and so the focus really is going to be on quality time as a family. Like it's really important for my kids to spend time with their grandparents and not have this over scheduled life during the time of their visit, and so it's going to be focused on conversation and games, and so I'm really excited about that. And then laughter is really important to me and my kids are at an age where they're independent enough to get their stuff done and we can meet back and just have a really good time together. So last year we started doing reindeer games on Christmas Eve and it was the best night ever. So I've already started looking for what games we're going to play this year. They're involved in thinking of what games we're going to play and having input on that, but really making sure that laughter is a priority, especially as I have a junior. I'm already very aware that my time with three kids at home I know he'll come home for Christmas, but just being home together in December, I love the whole month of December and so having him here this year to do things with us is really important.

Speaker 1:

All right, so I told you about decorating my space. I tried to get it all done by December 1st. It didn't happen this year. That's okay. I'll do what feels good and maybe leave some things out, and that's okay too.

Speaker 1:

It's a great time to purge If you are putting things away. I know I've got this centerpiece in the middle of my coffee table and it's been. It's a big cement block and I had these succulent plants in it and I removed them all and put poinsettias in it to look festive for December. And now I think I just need to take all of those little faux florals to goodwill, because I know I want something different and if I just get rid of it, I kind of forced the hand. Now I must've done this last year because I went to get out my bathroom towels, my holiday bathroom towels, and I didn't find any. So at the end of last year I must've been like well, I'm going to get rid of these because I'm due for new ones. So I've had to order new ones.

Speaker 1:

But it's a good time to just kind of evaluate. Like, if you're not getting out holiday decorations this year, do you really love them enough to store them until next year? Or could you donate them and somebody who's in need of decorations, who's got a new home or, you know, divided homes and divided decorations or whatever the calls may be they would be able to buy some decorations at a thrift store. So whatever it is, just remember to pay attention to your home. The energy in your home is a great time to cleanse your space and welcome in the joy of the season by releasing the energy. That is not If you had colds and sickness and grossness over the fall season. Make sure you are doing yourself a little energy cleaning and get rid of all of that stagnant or low vibration energy.

Speaker 1:

The next thing I want to tell you is to evaluate your traditions. What are the things? You can even call it traditions and patterns, because it might not be something grandma handed down to you, but if there is a pattern of this always happens each year you might need to have a look at it, but a lot of times we've inherited these traditions and we do things like we've always done because we've always done it, with no thought of do I even want to do it this way? So when I was re-calibrating Christmas in my house, I had to do some thinking. And for Mark, they do like fancy place settings each Christmas. You know the whole works. It is an elaborate table and that is super beautiful, but we host Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and Christmas dinner and ain't nobody got time for that, and so I buy disposable plates. Judge me if you want to. I'm really not doing dishes all day, because that's not my, that's not ease y'all. It is not ease. And so just because something has always been and this is how we do it and this is how my mom did it, and this is how whatever, it doesn't mean you have to do it that way.

Speaker 1:

We even stopped going to church on Christmas Eve for a while. We were doing it and we had changed churches a couple of times and it got to where you know it was being. It was stressful on my sister's family, who was trying to get here in time for us to go to church, and then you know kids who don't have to dress up for anything anymore, really trying to find something to wear, and it was like wait a minute, what are we doing? Like can't our holiday spirit be here together instead of going to church? Well, I loved going to church on Christmas Eve. Growing up, I had the same church my entire childhood. It was my friends, it was a great service. But I don't have that connection now, and so I was forcing an activity that wasn't providing the same kind of thing anyway, and so it was like an activity that wasn't providing the same kind of thing anyway, and so it was like let's scrap that. We can bring more of the Christmas feeling and certainly more Christ consciousness of loving ways, if we are not yelling at six kids to go to a church service they don't want to go to but anyway. So really think about that service. They don't want to go do, but anyway, so really think about that.

Speaker 1:

Another thing for me is I do host on Christmas Eve, and it was happening that Christmas Eve was really stressful. Even after we phased out of the stage of Santa's workshop at night, needing to assemble things, it was still stressful. The moms are busy trying to get everything done, wrapped, whatever the men, I don't know what they're doing, except complaining, perhaps, that everything's not done. And it got really stressful. So I made a pact with myself that everything would be wrapped. As it arrives, everything's wrapped, and then Christmas Eve Eve, I have the night off just for fun. Well, the memo was not received by others, and so when she was arriving and nothing was wrapped, I would end up in the bedroom helping her, which is also not what I want to do. And so now it is a firm rule that I'm not wrapping a single solitary present on Christmas Eve. We have takeout lasagna from a local Italian place, which is so delicious and could not be easier. We stick it in the oven, we get to hang out with each other, we get to enjoy each other's company and the cleanup is super fast and we get on to our reindeer games, which are now a family hit. So that is so worth it to have made those tradeoffs, because now we can really enjoy that time together.

Speaker 1:

Other traditions you might have that need to be looked at is who you give gifts to. If it is stressful to give your entire neighborhood gifts, think of whether or not you want to, or how you do teacher gifts or the your friend's kids or you know, all of these extra, extra, extra. If you're doing them from a loving place or find it easy, carry on or find ways to simplify it. If it's not, I know I really like to give gifts that connect, like it really made me think of you and I'm giving it from the heart, but I can't do that for the long laundry list. So it might be something I see and then I get four of and can wrap it up for different people. Or now I contribute to. You know, thank God for class moms. I am not a class mom. I do a lot of things, but that is not something I can do and I appreciate them very much. So when they collect the funds, I will contribute to the funds and I will thank them very much for doing the legwork, because I do appreciate the teachers. But I've got three kids and they got a lot of teachers in the camp, so that is a hard boundary for me of what I'm not going to do, but I very much contribute so that the people who have taken that on can do a good job with it.

Speaker 1:

So evaluate your gift giving, the places you visit. Evaluate your gift giving the places you visit. I used to try to get to all of the things that are happening. We have Billy Graham Library, which has a live nativity scene, and we've got Daniel Stowe Botanical Gardens with lights, and there's Winterfest at Kerwin's and there's all of these things, and it's only for the holiday season. So I've got to go to all of it and when I did my evaluation because I was no longer going to have a stressful holiday season I sat down with my family and I asked all of them to contribute what they really, really wanted to do and that we would make sure that we do. And if it wasn't on their list then it would be a bonus if we got to it, but it would allow us to prioritize what we really wanted to do.

Speaker 1:

And I was surprised by the answer. Two of them actually said that their very favorite thing to do was drive around and look at Christmas lights. So our tradition. There's a website that posts the best holiday light shows, the best yard displays, and we get takeout, including peppermint milkshakes, and we drive around to look at the lights. Well before it would kind of get crammed in to a weeknight where we didn't have as much time, but now that I know that that's actually their priority, it can have the top spot. It can have the best night, the best Saturday night where we can be out late, and it's totally fine because these displays are magnificent and God bless the people who put that much time and energy into putting these displays up. And so many of them now have donations where you can donate to a special cause when you're there, which I appreciate too. I'm happy to contribute because you did all that work and really it's our favorite thing to do. So we ride around, we listen to Christmas songs and we have a sing-along and we look at Christmas lights, and there's not much simpler thing you can do that brings them the most joy.

Speaker 1:

And so when we're evaluating it, one of my things that I love to do is go to the Omni Grove Park Inn in Asheville and look at the gingerbread houses. It's a national gingerbread house competition and people send gingerbread houses and I don't mean gingerbread houses, I mean like a train station with a train that moves. I mean it's the most elaborate thing you've ever seen and they send them in from all over the country to be judged. And I love walking through and being amazed at these people's patience, because I can't get the mother freaking gingerbread kit. I can't get the freaking house to stand up, nevermind, I really have issues. I have issues with gingerbread houses and I have big goals and they're failing. But I love going to the Grove Park Inn and looking at these houses and, turns out, the kids even though they have gone, they have never complained about it. They walk around. They're like, nope, we don't really even like doing that. And so last year Mark and I went and had a little date of our own to go see these houses. We both really enjoyed it, but we didn't need to take the kids and that actually provided us some alone time this holiday season to connect.

Speaker 1:

And so when you start asking questions, instead of assuming that what you did last year is what you should do this year no, maybe you shouldn't, maybe everybody else will be happier because of it when you are choosing kids off of an angel tree or figuring out how to donate and be generous, do what feels good to you, do what you can do from a loving space and that doesn't make you feel strapped financially or strapped by time. Remember that everything is energy and you need to give love and you need to give generosity and hope and all of these things, but you do not need to give frustration and resentment and anger. So just be careful that when you are choosing to donate, that you are doing it from the right place, from a generous, loving space, because that is the energy your gift will carry. All right boundaries, you guys, holidays is a great time to practice setting boundaries, and I mean I've got in-laws coming to live with me for four weeks.

Speaker 1:

Now I will say that this is an adjustment, because before they would be here five to six weeks and what we figured out is that's too long. It's too long for them and I think one of the ways we realized that was being away from home for a month this summer. A month was really long to be away from home, and it made us realize that what we're asking of them was a lot too, and so for them to be in our space it adds up over that much time, but also it's a lot to be away from your home that long, and so I think this is going to be a sweeter spot, just under four weeks of time. I mean, we haven't seen them in two years, so I'm super excited about them coming, and just I wish they could come quarterly for two weeks instead of for so long. But they live in South Africa. It's really hard.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, understand what you need. What are the boundaries you need? I know that I'm committed to continuing my morning practice, regardless of whether or not I have house guests. I need my time for meditation and journaling in the morning. It's what I commit to myself to start my day, to make sure it's right. So, whatever you need, I can't compromise on getting enough exercise when they're here. I can't compromise on getting enough exercise when they're here, because I'm a moody bitch if I don't exercise, and so I know that's a non-negotiable for me. So understand what that is, understand which are the people that don't bring out your festive spirit, and if you can make some adjustments to how much time you spend with them, or maybe not at all or at minimum.

Speaker 1:

Have I ever talked about bubbling up your energy Because you need to do that? It is merely setting the intention of a white light to surround you so that energy vampires can't take your energy and that you can lift them up with your presence without being dragged down by theirs. I mean, consider it like an ornament ball around your energy field, but it is a good practice this holiday season and you will find yourself in really wonderful situations and spaces. Or you might be like whoa. I was at the holiday party and I didn't run into her at all. Nope, because you had bubbled up and that frequency was not aligned with you. You were protected from that being drawn to you. And so boundaries and bubbles, y'all Boundaries and bubbles, and the last thing I'm going to say today is count your blessings.

Speaker 1:

It is always the best way to be in the holiday spirit is to be so appreciative and grateful for what you have, and that might be to release comparison of others, because you don't know their story, you don't know what's really going on. Release your comparison to your last year or the year before that, or where you thought you would be in this life. Anytime we are experiencing that pull downward where we can't find what to be grateful for, it is because we are tied to the past or worried about the future. But when you can settle into this present moment and look around and find those blessings, they multiply. There's just no way around it and so, whatever you are going through this holiday season because a lot of times we are experiencing grief or change and it might feel awkward and hard try to get yourself back to the present moment, to be here, to be grateful for the opportunity to learn and to grow and experience. It's a freaking beautiful world and we get to be here, and if you're going through challenges, consider it your bow being pulled back to be prevailed forward and be grateful for that. I know in this struggle there must be great opportunity ahead for me, and so count it as a blessing.

Speaker 1:

Gratitude for what we have is the greatest way to create more to be grateful for, to be grateful for. Start and end every day reflecting on what you have to be grateful for Think it, say it, feel it. I'll start. I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for an opportunity to talk to myself and think that maybe somebody will listen, that it will resonate, that it will perhaps help you, and I love you. I hope December is magical. It can be if you intend for it to be All right. Have a great week. Thanks for listening. Hey friends, it only takes a second to leave a five-star rating. Don't have time to write a review. That's okay, cause clicking five stars takes no longer than clicking one star. So if you listened, you enjoyed it and you found this at all helpful. Take a moment and leave me a rating on your favorite podcast app. Have a great week.

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Susan Sutherland

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